


Great expectations

by Vinushuka



Series: One year with Apocalyptica [10]
Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-29 07:27:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3887521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being pregnant is the last thing you'd expect when you are at your fifties, but that's exactly what is happening to Anna. Perttu is in Nashville so Anna has to rely on her friends Kirsi and Patrik for support. Suddenly, the feelings that were supposed to belong in the past return and force Anna to rethink the future. Patrik is going to be both her colleague and class mate and maybe even something more...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Late as hell

## Late as hell (1)

      My first reaction, when I suddenly realized that my period was over a week late, was complete surprise. How could such a thing escape my attention? Okay, I had million things to do and remember concerning my house deal and I missed Perttu desperately. I was somehow embarrassed by my neglect until the fact that I might be pregnant surfaced my mind. I sat at my desk staring at the calendar and counting the days over and over again. My period had operated like a clock without any signs of starting menopause. Pregnancy was the only viable option in my case. One of my mother’s cousins had given birth to her last child at the age of fifty so I knew that was possible.

      I must have sat there for quite a while sunken in my wildly racing thoughts until the phone rang and I realized I had a terrible need to pee. I took the call wriggling on my chair and hurried then to the toilet to relieve myself. Without thinking more about it I stripped off my blouse and bra and stared at my breast in the bathroom mirror. I felt them with my hands; they were firm and heavy. I rubbed my nipples with my fingers until my body was all strung up with desire. I needed someone to fuck me, but Perttu was far away and I hadn’t heard anything from Patrik for ages. Maybe Kirsi could offer me some relief. Besides I needed to share this with someone who had experience in pregnancy matters.

      “Would you care to spend some quality time with me today or tomorrow evening?” I asked her bluntly after I had finally reached her over the phone. “There’s something I need to discuss with you and I’d rather do it at home.”

      “You make me curious. Do you have some new devious plans to save Eicca from the clutches of Franky?” She snickered reminding me of our plan that had backfired quite badly. Franky probably was passé but now we had Patrik to worry about.

      “Sorry, no new plans but something far more important”, I told her to feed her curiosity.

      “I can come tonight at seven, if you think it’s urgent”, she promised.

      “Okay, I’ll see you then. Be prepared for a surprise”, I finished the call happy that I had a female friend.

\----

      “Okay woman, just spit it out now”, Kirsi urged me when we were finishing off the coffee and sandwiches I had prepared for our meeting.

      “Perttu may become a father”, I finally blurted out my confession.

       “What!! Has the dirty bastard knocked up the Avanti girl?” Kirsi roared looking furious.

       “No, but he may have knocked me up”, I corrected her misunderstanding.

      “But, how is that possible at your age? You’re like fifty or something!” She stared at me looking stunned.

       “I don’t have any other explanation to the fact that I’m late as hell. I’m never late and now I’m more than a week due.”

      “Holy Moses! Have you done a pregnancy test yet? It should start to show in there already.”

      “I will do it next week. It’s better to wait some days more. I want a reliable result. But should I warn Perttu before that?  What do you think? Based on our previous discussions he may not be very happy about my news.”

      “Yeah, I think you should give him some time to think about it before we know for sure. That would serve him right”, Kirsi pondered and smiled at me. “I hope you won’t cause him a heart attack. He’s been lately enjoying his independence and artistic freedom too much. Some responsibility would do him good.”

      When I stood up from the table and started to collect the cups away, Kirsi grabbed me from behind and kissed my nape. “I’d like to see how your body looks like. Can we go and check it out in bed?” she mumbled into my ear. My condition was exciting her as much as it was exciting me. I loved the full feeling of my breast and wanted someone to kiss then and hold them.

      “Actually I was hoping you would ask for that. I’ve been horny for last couple of days”, I confessed and turned around to give her a kiss.

      “That’s part of the symptoms so let’s get some relief to you distress”, she snickered and started to drag me towards my bedroom.

      In no time we had stripped off our clothes and dived into the warm depths of my water bed.  “You really are delicious”, Kirsi panted kissing and sucking my breasts like a baby. I surrendered to her skilled caresses and let her give me the orgasm I needed so badly. I deserved some joy before morning sickness would ruin my life.


	2. Me, a mother

## Me, a mother (2)

      The decision to call Perttu wasn’t that difficult after all. He deserved to know what was going on even though I wasn’t completely sure yet. I had made up my mind. I wanted this child no matter what Perttu decided. I loved Perttu more than anything and his child growing inside me even more. No power in this world could make me give up on them.

      I was worried when I couldn’t reach Perttu over the phone even though they should have stopped working already. Then it occurred to me that this was the night of Paavo’s dinner party. The boys were probably having fun I didn’t want to spoil that. I left a message asking him to contact me when it suited him.

      Perttu called me in the afternoon next day when I was still at the office. It was early morning at Nashville so he must have had better things to do during the night than watching over his phone. The thought of him in bed with Mikko or Eicca made me wriggle on my seat again. I would like to see that some time.

      Perttu’s apologies confirmed my guess. He had finally made it up with Eicca and sounded extremely delighted about that. I was delighted too, for him and for Eicca. Now that it was time to say what I had to say, I just couldn’t open my mouth. After some chitchat Perttu finally asked me why I had called him. I had to give him my news. I tried to make it sound casual, but my heart was beating frantically. I was really afraid of how he would react. To my relief he grabbed quite fast what was going on and didn’t slam the phone in my ear. I was happy when he asked my opinion about the possible pregnancy. He knew me well enough to assume that I had already made up my mind. I told him that I loved him and was happy to have his child no matter what.

      I just had to sit quietly at my desk for a while after finishing the call. Perttu’s reaction had been very careful, not angry by any means but nor excited either. Careful was the right word. Maybe he didn’t know how to take it. Kirsi had been right – he needed time to think about it.

\----

      I wanted to postpone the pregnancy test as long as possible to make sure that the result would be reliable.  So I decided to wait to the end of next week. Somehow I knew already that I was expecting. My body felt so good, like a ripe fruit, and I loved it.

      Next week was long. I was constantly listening to my body. Every ache made worry that my period would start and the whole episode would be a false alarm. Anyway, I made it to Saturday. Perttu called me every day asking how I felt as if he was wishing the same thing as I, but he didn’t say it out loud.

      My hands were literally shaking when I finally prepared to take the test on Saturday morning. I checked the instructions a thousand times before making the test and then sat there staring into nothingness during the waiting time.  The result was hidden inside the test housing and I was afraid to open it. I took the housing in my hand several times and put it back again. I just couldn’t make myself open it.  Then it occurred to me that the results could fade away if I waited too long. I grabbed the white tube in my hand and pulled it open: two clear blue lines. They looked so innocent together but they would change our lives completely.

      I closed the housing carefully and left it on the bathroom shelf. I stalked back to my bedroom, crawled into my warm bed and curled under the covers to feel safe.  Hot tears started to run down my cheeks when I thought about the miracle growing inside me. I tried to stop them by thinking about something rational like maternity leave but without success. I wasn’t rational, I was a mother after all these years.

       It took me several hours to calm down after this mind-blowing experience. I cleaned up my apartment and went to buy some groceries in the close by supermarket. After my afternoon coffee I felt confident enough to let Perttu know about the test result. It was still very early morning in Nashville so I decided to text him. I took the cell into my shaking hands and wrote: “The test was positive. Congratulations. Love Anna.” I sincerely hoped I wouldn’t ruin his morning with my news.

      It didn’t take long before my phone rang and I heard Perttu’s voice in my ear saying that he had received my message. After that it was only sobbing. First I thought he was crying because I had spoiled his life but then I realized that he was just too happy to do anything else. A huge relief and almost unbearable longing filled my mind and my body. Why did he have to be so far away on a moment like this? Perttu obviously felt the same, but he had the guys there to support him and share the great news. I was alone…or then again I wasn’t. There were two of us now. And I could always share my thoughts with Kirsi and maybe even Patrik. We ended our call feeling hopeful although I had to warn him about the risk of miscarriage. I had difficulties to realize that things had turned out the way they did: he really wanted to be a father in spite of his reservations only two months ago.


	3. A ride home

## A ride home (3)

      I had already shared the great news with Kirsi and we had celebrated that by spending the Sunday night together, but I wanted Patrik to know, too. The only problem was that he was keeping distance with me although I had offered to help him while Eicca was away. I had actually done something for him already, when one of colleagues called me last week and asked if I knew anybody with decent Japanese skills through my language studies. They were recruiting a new person for the sales support team and Japanese skills would be helpful during the orientation period in Japan. Of course I knew one bright young guy who happened to be in-between jobs at the moment. I gave him Patrik’s name and contact information and forgot all about it immediately. I had too much on my mind at the time.

     On Sunday I remembered the call and figured that it would give me a good reason to contact Patrik.  I tried to reach him by the phone, but he didn’t answer my calls.  I decided to wait till Monday, when we had our Japanese lesson again. I really hoped he would attend the class this time. He had skipped the last two lessons for some reason.

     The weather on Monday was awful. The temperature was at zero and it was raining and snowing and something in between. Harsh wind blowing from the north forced the rain almost horizontal so there was little use for the umbrella I was trying to protect myself with while standing at the bus stop. My jeans were soaking wet and my teeth chattering from cold when the bus finally picked me up.

      I was still shivering from cold when I entered the classroom. I was relieved when I saw Patrik sitting already there with his male companion, browsing his textbook. I said hello to them and sat on my regular seat behind his classmate.  The place was excellent for me. I could see what he was doing and could talk with him if needed.

      “Nice weather”, I commented sarcastically, when I had dug up my textbook and notebook from my wet bag. “I hope my trousers will dry up before I will have to go out again.”

      Patrik turned to look at my red nose and drenched hair. “You should have taken your own car this time”, he said sounding almost rude and concentrated again on his textbook. He probably hadn’t done his homework as usual and was trying to catch up in a hurry.

       I felt embarrassed and decided to keep quiet for the rest of the class. In spite of his rude behaviour I kept staring at his beautiful hair and lovely profile. I just couldn’t get enough of him. These weeks without him had been painful.

      When the lesson was approaching the end, he suddenly he turned at me. I was slightly embarrassed because I thought he had noticed my intensive gaze. “Don’t run away after the class”, he said and flashed a brilliant smile at me. He didn’t say anything more and turned back to fiddle with his pad computer. I didn’t have the guts to ask, what he wanted from me, so I just waited my stomach churning of excitement.

      He wasn’t in a hurry to leave after the class was over. He walked over to the teacher’s desk to ask her something. I put my warm sweater and coat on and waited patiently for him to finish his business with the teacher. “I will take you home today”, he announced when he had returned to his desk. I blinked my eyes looking probably very stupid and stammered my thanks. “Thanks, that’s very considerate of you.” I was slightly offended that he didn’t bother to ask if I wanted that, but then again he knew very well that I did. I felt a blush spreading on my cheeks. I hated that. I was just like an open book for him to read.

      When he was packing his things in his suitcase he gave me a quick look but lowered then his eyes. “By the way, I’m having a job interview at your company next Wednesday. The guy who contacted me mentioned you while we were talking”, he said blushing slightly.

     “Well yes, he called me and asked if I could recommend anybody for a vacant position they had and you were the first thing that came into my mind.  I hope your interview goes smoothly”, I commented.

     “I hope so, too. If I get the job, I owe you big time”, he grinned and turned to leave the classroom.

      “Where do you have your car?” I asked when we had entered the street. It was slightly colder now and very chilly because of the wind.

      “It’s behind the corner over there”, he said pointing to the street leading south. Lucky for us, we didn’t have to walk against the biting wind. Anyway, my butt and fingers were freezing when we reached his car.

     “Hop in”, he said and opened the door for me. He cleaned the windshield while I was getting organized on the front seat and sat then beside me looking satisfied.

     “Where is the knob for the seat heater?” I asked looking at the dashboard in front of me. My teeth were chattering and I desperately needed some warmth.

     “It’s here” he said and reached over very close to me to switch the heating on. “Your butt will be soon warm enough” he snickered.

     “Maybe I will have to sit on my hands to get them warmed up, too”, I said flexing my numb fingers.

      “Let me try”, he said and grabbed my hands into his. “Holy shit, these are like icicles”, he huffed and rubbed my fingers with his.

     “How can your hands be so warm, when mine are freezing?” I wondered enjoying his touch. “I think I can manage now”, I said after a while, withdrew my hands and caressed his cheek with my fingers. He didn’t back off from my hand.

     “Any music?” I asked when I had recovered from the stunning idea of him touching me again. My heart was still beating frantically and I was afraid he could hear that.

      “There are some CD’s in the locker down there”, he pointed at the dashboard in front of me. I opened the locker and browsed through the CD’s I found there. Most of them were Japanese and unfamiliar to me. I selected one and slid it into the CD-player.

      “This sounds nice“, I commented, when the first airy, ambient type sounds filled the car. I didn’t want to disturb his driving so I leaned back on my warm seat and enjoyed the music and his profile. He glanced at me couple of times. “You’re awfully quiet today”, he finally said.

      “I feel so good being here. I’ve missed your lovely face and cheeky comments”, I confessed.

      “I missed you too”, he said and smiled at me. My heart skipped a beat.

      “Really?” was all I could get out of my mouth.

      “Is that so hard to believe?” he asked frowning at the thought.

       “Well yes, all things considered. With you it’s a different thing. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted from a man: kind, considerate, passionate about things, intelligent, tall, young and beautiful.”

       “You make it sound as if those things didn’t apply to you”, he commented and shot a glance at me.  

      “I’m not young anymore. That makes things very different.”

      “I’m not so sure about that”, he said and concentrated on taking the turn to Rajatorppa. He stopped his car at the parking place in front of the apartment house I was living in and turned to look at me. “You know, age is just a number.”

      “I would like to give you something”, I said feeling nervous and dug up a CD from my bag. “I made this last week, but I wasn’t sure if I should give it to you. It’s a collection I made from my favourite music. I tried to select songs that you might like, but the message became a bit too obvious.” I pushed the CD into his hand not knowing what else to say.

      “Thanks, but I’m starting to feel embarrassed. You keep giving me things and I haven’t given you anything.”

      “Actually there’s one thing I would like to have from you”, I blurted grabbing the opportunity now that I had it.

      “What is it?” he asked sounding curious.

       “I would like to see you again without that ponytail, your hair free”, I said feeling utterly stupid. I just couldn’t look at him and stared out instead. I expected him to laugh at me, but he didn’t.

      “Like this?” I heard him say. When I turned my eyes at him, his long brown hair was flowing down free on his shoulders slightly wavy, just like the last time I had seen it.

      “Oh, my god, you’re so beautiful”, I sighed, closed my eyes and hid my face in my hands. His beauty was almost unbearable.

      “It can’t be that bad, please look at me”, he murmured in low voice and grabbed my hands. When I opened my eyes, his face was so close to mine that I could feel the warmth of his breath on my skin. Before I knew what I did, I pushed my hands into his hair and pressed my lips against his. To my surprise he didn’t push me away. Instead he responded to my kiss, his lips so warm, soft and demanding. The world outside vanished when my consciousness focused on this lovely man kissing me. All I could feel was the hair surrounding my fingers and his lips caressing mine over and over again.

      “You’re intoxicating me” I breathed when he finally released my lips. “I bet I can’t stand or walk straight right now.” My heart was beating too fast and I really felt kind of dizzy.

      “Sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to kiss you once more”, he mumbled looking repentant.

      “Don’t be sorry, I just loved it too much, to be honest”, I said trying desperately to find a way to tell him my news. I had assumed he wasn’t interested in me anymore but now he was telling me the opposite.

     “There is something you need to know about me… I’m going to have a baby…with Perttu… ”, I finally managed to whisper.

       “Oh, that’s a surprise, congratulations! I wish I had a child of my own some time”, he said and caressed my cheek with his fingers. That was a side of him I had never had seen before.

      “When you find a mate, that can be arranged”, I encouraged him wishing I could be the one to give him a child. I loved this guy although I knew he could never love a woman the way he loved men.

      “Maybe I should go now, before I attack you again. But I would like you to have dinner with me next Friday or Saturday. Would you like to come?” I asked encouraged by his kiss.

      “Sure. Friday would be fine for me”, he promised. “I will let you know how the interview goes.”

     “Just be your charming self and they will love you”, I advised him and stepped carefully out of the car. I wasn’t sure how stabile my legs were.

      “Have a good night, if you can”, he snickered and started the car when I had stepped out.

      “Thanks for the ride and the kiss”, I replied and closed the door. How the hell was I going to sleep this night or any other nights after this?


	4. The third wish revisited

## The third wish revisited (4)

      I was probably as excited about Patriks’s job interview as he himself. I kept imagining what kind of opportunities would open up for him and for me after I left Apocalyptica and returned to my regular job. Patrik would most likely spend several weeks in training at Japan headquarters and would have a chance to meet lots of new people and learn Japanese culture and language. He deserved some happiness and I wasn’t sure he would find it with Eicca. Apocalyptica would be touring most of the next year with their new Album Shadowmaker. Eicca and Patrik would have preciously little time to spend together considering that Eicca had his family and Perttu to consider too.

      I had of course the same kind of problem. The baby would be born in June. There were a short breaks in touring during the summer months so I would probably have some Perttu time then, but otherwise I would have to manage things on my own.  I was prepared to be a single mother.  I still had my doubts about Perttu’s motivation to be a father. When push comes to shove, was he really up to the responsibility? I wanted to see him changing diapers and pushing a baby buggy. But then again, maybe he would surprise me.

      Patrik called me on Wednesday evening. He was literally bursting with excitement after hearing more details about the job and the training program to go with it. I tried to remind him that it wasn’t sure yet that he would get the job, but he convinced me that he would. I was pretty sure about that too. They probably didn’t bother to interview too many candidates once they had found this crown jewel. The decision to hire would be made by the end of the week so we had a good reason to celebrate on Friday evening.

\----

      “Congratulations, colleague”, I snickered when I opened the door to let Patrik in. He was dressed up in his best suit and tie, but he had his gorgeous hair free. He knew I loved it like that. His smile almost blew my head off. He grabbed me in his arms and nearly crushed my bones with his hug.

      “I can’t thank you enough for this opportunity!” he breathed in my ear.

      “Don’t mention it! You deserved every bit of it”, I replied resting my head on his chest, feeling happy and safe there.

      “They called me already on Thursday evening and asked me to come and sign the work contract on Friday afternoon.  I will start in my new job next week”, he explained as he was removing his overcoat and shoes in the hall. “Actually I’m coming directly from there. I just bought some stuff for us on my way here”, he told me and handed me large paper bag with chocolates, sparkling wine, a bouquet of flowers and two gift-wrapped packages. I mumbled my thanks slightly embarrassed; I wasn’t used to him giving me things.

      “You obviously negotiated a decent salary for you”, I commented from the kitchen where I was unloading the contents of the bag. “Should I open these now or later?” I asked him holding the two gift packages in my hand. “Preferably now…they are for you two”, he replied and gave a quick glance at my belly that looked absolutely normal at the moment. I took his hand and lead him to sit on the living room couch. I sat by him and started to open up the packages. The smaller one had in it a lovely silver wrist bracelet with tens of spring looking things hanging from it.

       “I loved that bracelet the minute I saw it. It looked so much like you, high tech woman”, he commented and caressed my cheek gently.

      I was afraid to open the other package. I hadn’t wanted to buy anything for the baby because that might bring bad luck. Now Patrik was forcing me to face my superstitious fears. The package contained tiny mint coloured baby shoes. “Oh, these are so beautiful” I breathed trying to hold back the tears that slowly filled my eyes. Finally the feelings of happiness and anxiety took the better of me and I burst into tears. Patrik followed my struggle without knowing what to say. Finally he just pulled me into his arms and wiped my tears away with his hand.

      “I’m happy for you. I hope everything goes well and I get to meet the newcomer one day”, he whispered and rocked me gently in his arms to calm me down. He probably guessed why I was happy and anxious at the same time.

      “Would you like to be the baby’s godfather?” I blurted my question although it was far too early to ask a thing like that. “Perttu will be touring most of the time so the baby needs a spare dad”, I explained feeling embarrassed about my outburst.

      “Sure. I need some practice in babysitting if I’m planning to have a one of my own one day”, he promised and squeezed my hand.

      Our dinner was a simple vegetable and mushroom pie with a berry cocktail as a desert. I didn’t want to spend this unique evening in the kitchen. I wanted to enjoy my rare guest to the full. We toasted with the non-alcoholic sparkling wine wishing success to Patrik’s new career and to my “once in a lifetime” project of having a baby. We discussed a lot about Patrik’s training program that would last six weeks and would take place in several plant locations in Japan and Korea.

      “Maybe you will meet a nice Japanese guy during your stay there”, I teased him guessing that he had thought about that possibility too. “They will fall on their knees when they see a tall, long-haired Viking like you.”

      “It’s a pity that that I like tall, blond guys like Eicca”, he confessed and blushed a bit.

      “There are also tall Japanese men. Toshiya, the bassist of Dir en grey, is taller than you and looks like an angel”, I defended my point. I had a hopeless crush on beautiful Asian men.

      “To be honest, even I felt like a giant when I was in Japan for the first time. Especially the older people there a very tiny”, I admitted. “But I made friends with a guy that that was considerably older than me. He has already passed away but I still remember him.”

      “You will take a giant leap in your Japanese skills while you’re there. Are you planning to continue your Japanese studies here after that?” I asked feeling worried. I didn’t want to lose my lovely class mate.

     “Of course I will continue. The orientation starts in December and ends mid-January so I will probably miss only the first lesson”, Patrik convinced me.

      He helped me to clear the table and filled the dishwasher with me. When we had done that, I collected my courage and asked if he wanted to stay the night with me.

      “I kind of hoped that you’d ask for that”, he smiled and kissed my forehead.

      “In that case, would you like to take a shower with me?” I asked pushing my luck. I’d had this lively dream of him and me showering together. The scene had been so sensual that it still made me shiver.

     “Yes, if you promise to dry up my hair after that. It will look like a haystack in the morning if it’s not properly dried before going to bed.”

      His request made me unbelievably happy. There was nothing I loved more than feeling the silky strands of his hair flowing through my fingers.

      Believe me, I cleaned up my man really thoroughly. I did of course dry up his hair, which actually took a considerable amount of time. When I was finished with that I just gazed at him in awe.

      “Why are you so beautiful? It makes me want to cry!” I complained and caressed his cheek.

      “Why don’t you just close your eyes and let me take care of the rest”, he proposed and rubbed my nipples with his fingers. “I would like to play with these in bed and do other naughty things with you.”

      “I’m all yours”, I breathed and closed my eyes. If he wanted me he could have me any way he wanted. Besides my third wish was still valid.


End file.
